It was confusing and full of hummus
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
