I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
