HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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