My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
