Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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