even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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