just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
