you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
