Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
