I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
