Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
