I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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