Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
