so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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