Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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