I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
