During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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