and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
