it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
In the future we'll all be gay
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
