Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
