at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
