I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize