Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
