Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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