Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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