Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize