Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
