I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
