i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
