You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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