so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
