4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
