this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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