hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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