the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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