Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
