Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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