TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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