you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
