Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
