6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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