so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
