I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
