Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
