I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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