i always forget guys have bellybuttons
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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