I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The beer is more important than you right now.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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