dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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