I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
