is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
