The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
