so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
