My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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