I hate all girls vehemently.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
