My brain says no but my pants say off.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All the doctor said was why
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
