Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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