Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
