i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize