He is like the real live version of the state fair..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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