The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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