if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
