I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
