Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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