My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize