I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
