Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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