I am in a vortex of obligation.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
