bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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