If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
