So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
