I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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