If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
