Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
