We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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