i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
