this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
