just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
