I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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