We won't sleep together?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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