When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
