Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
