never play flip cup with pint glasses
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize