I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
