She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
