I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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