after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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