And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
