So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
