after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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