Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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