I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize