perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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