He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
