I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
