I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
