I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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