I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
