You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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