My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
