i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
