Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
