I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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