tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
