Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize