I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
