Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
