I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
